We're All a Little Neurotic (And That's Okay!)
I've come to the conclusion that we're all a little neurotic.
Every last one of us.
We have our quirks, habits, preferences, routines, and peculiar ways of doing things. We have strong opinions about matters that probably don't warrant strong opinions. And, of course, we're convinced that our particular way of doing things makes perfect sense.
It's everyone else who's a little strange.
Take me, for example. I appreciate efficiency. I like things organized, decisions made, and problems solved. If there's a better way to do something, I'm probably going to notice it. And if I notice it, there's a pretty good chance I'll have a suggestion about it.
Helpful, right?
Well, perhaps not to the person who was perfectly happy doing things their own way before I came along with my brilliant idea. Haha!
And therein lies the problem. We tend to view our own habits and preferences as perfectly reasonable while finding other people's habits and preferences somewhere between mildly irritating and downright baffling.
Who Decided My Way Was the Right Way?
I've been thinking lately about how easily we allow other people's behavior to annoy us.
Someone takes forever to make a decision. Someone else makes decisions too quickly. One person talks too much. Another doesn't communicate enough. Someone leaves things lying around, while someone else insists that everything has its proper place.
And somehow, we've appointed ourselves the unofficial judges of how everyone else ought to behave.
The funny thing is, the very qualities that irritate us in other people may be the qualities they find perfectly delightful about themselves.
The spontaneous person thinks they're fun and adventurous. The planner thinks they're thoughtful and prepared. The talker thinks they're friendly and engaging. The quiet person thinks they're being considerate by not dominating the conversation.
And who's to say any of them are wrong?
Of course, I'm not suggesting that all behavior is acceptable or that we shouldn't have standards for how we're treated. There's a big difference between someone's harmless quirks and behavior that's genuinely disrespectful or harmful.
But let's face it. A surprising amount of our everyday irritation comes from people simply being different from us.
You Don't Have to Like It to Accept It
Here's something I've been reminding myself lately: I don't have to like what someone is doing to accept that they're doing it.
Acceptance doesn't mean approval. It doesn't mean resignation. And it certainly doesn't mean abandoning my standards or boundaries.
It simply means acknowledging reality instead of arguing with it.
Think about how much energy we expend wishing people were different. We wish they'd be more organized, more spontaneous, more thoughtful, more decisive, more communicative, less opinionated, or whatever else happens to suit our preferences.
Meanwhile, they're over there just living their lives, probably wondering why we're so uptight about everything.
And who's suffering from all this wishing and wanting?
Usually, we are.
The other person may be blissfully unaware that we've been conducting an entire courtroom proceeding in our heads about their latest offense.
Guilty as charged. And I don't mean them!
Maybe It's Not What They Did
Something else I've been exploring is how much of our frustration comes not from what someone actually did, but from what we believe their behavior means.
Someone forgets something important to us, and we decide it means they don't care. Someone doesn't follow our advice, and we interpret it as disrespect. Someone does something differently than we would, and we conclude they're being careless or inconsiderate.
But are those conclusions necessarily true?
Sometimes, perhaps. But often we're assigning meaning to behavior without really knowing what motivated it.
And once we've decided what something means, our emotions tend to follow along quite obediently.
What if, instead of immediately accepting our first interpretation, we got curious?
Maybe they're distracted. Maybe they have different priorities. Maybe their brain simply works differently. Maybe they genuinely don't realize something matters to us.
Or maybe they're just a little neurotic.
Like us.
None of these possibilities requires us to excuse behavior we find unacceptable. But considering them can keep us from turning every minor irritation into a personal affront.
The Freedom to Let People Be People
I think there's something wonderfully freeing about recognizing that other people don't have to behave according to our preferences for us to enjoy our lives.
We can notice their quirks without needing to correct them. We can disagree without becoming frustrated. We can have preferences without turning them into requirements for everyone around us.
And when something genuinely matters, we can speak up, establish boundaries, make requests, or decide how we want to respond.
That's the distinction I've been finding so valuable.
I don't necessarily get to choose my initial reaction. Sometimes something annoys me before I've even had a chance to think about it. But I can notice that reaction, examine the meaning I'm assigning to the situation, and decide whether I really want to invest any more emotional energy in it.
Sometimes the answer will be yes. Some things deserve our attention.
But sometimes?
Sometimes I can just shake my head, smile, and get on with enjoying my day.
And perhaps even acknowledge that the person who's annoying me might have a few legitimate complaints about my own delightful peculiarities.
Imagine that!
Life Is Too Good to Spend It Being Annoyed
The older I get, the more interested I am in actually enjoying the life I'm living, rather than waiting for everything and everyone to behave the way I'd prefer.
Because they're not going to.
People will continue being people. They'll have habits we don't understand, preferences we don't share, and ways of doing things that make absolutely no sense to us.
And we'll continue having our own little quirks that undoubtedly drive somebody else crazy.
What a relief to stop making all of that such a big deal.
We can still have standards. We can still make requests. We can still decide what we're willing to accept in our relationships and our lives.
But we don't have to make our peace and happiness contingent upon everyone else getting their act together.
After all, from their perspective, we might be the ones who need to get our act together!
And wouldn't that be something?
Here's my invitation: The next time someone's behavior gets under your skin, pause long enough to ask yourself: Is this something that genuinely needs my attention, or am I simply annoyed because they're not doing things my way?
You might be surprised how often you can choose to let it go.
And enjoy your life anyway.
At My Thrive Life, I explore how we can more intentionally enjoy the lives we've created, not by controlling everything around us, but by becoming more discerning about how we respond to it.
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